I was weeping yesterday while biking to campus listening to “Any Human Heart“. I finished reading the book today. I must admit that this is one of the amazing books I have read in my life. I was moved by almost every situation of the life of Logan Mountstuart (LMS), the protagonist of the novel. I empathized with LMS. The writing style of William Boyd brings out a very true self of LMS which is more or less a reflection of most human beings.
I want to mention two things from his journal. First, the scene when he looks at the pictures of Stella and Freya, LMS’ dead daughter and wife, and thinks about all the happy moments of his past. He is happy that his life was filled with such joy and happiness. At the same time he feels he will never be that happy again in future. It made me wonder, what is it like to reach a point in life where future is just a constant decline of everything – health, wealth, love, happiness, and friendship! I am living my life with a huge hope of a better tomorrow. I am not sure what it is to live a life of utter hopelessness!
Second, LMS talks about his vision of future – had he imagined his old age to be this way? I am now thinking about my vision of my own future. What do I see? May be I should give it some serious thought and see whether I can align my actions to reach the place where I want to me. Sending email to myself or creating time capsules is a good way to link my past and future. I will soon start working on that!
In any case, the book was melancholic! I felt privileged to have access to someone’s intimate thoughts, thoughts that are very similar to mine. I wish I had the courage to write them all down with the rawness the author has done! Love, friendship, betrayal, conceit, deceit – the main ingredients of life, are usually tempered by opportunity, kindness, and empathy to form a life story worth telling! Death of LMS seemed like the death of a close friend, the death of my inner self!
If I consider the average life expectancy of an Indian, I am through 40% of my life. My 33rd birthday is not faraway! May be it is time to take stock of my blessings, my goals, and start acting on them! It is amazing how a book, a story can inspire us all. I will be more committed to my journal writing. I will try to keep my blog posted with my thoughts about life and my struggle to fix myself! I don’t want to look back at life and repent. Yes, I may not be able to take right decisions at every point in my life. But I want the sum of my good and bad decisions to be positive towards the end. But as we all know, Life has a will of its own!
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” – Rumi